RefinedRealities

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Are you tired of constantly putting others’ needs ahead of your own? In today’s blog, we’re diving into the pitfalls of people-pleasing and exploring strategies to break free from this cycle. Whether it’s at work, in friendships, or within your family dynamics, we’ll uncover how prioritising your own well-being can lead to greater fulfilment and healthier relationships. Join the conversation as we discuss practical tips for setting boundaries, embracing authenticity, and reclaiming your sense of self. It’s time to step into your own power and live authentically, without the constant pressure of pleasing everyone else. Let’s start prioritising YOU!

Understanding People-Pleasing

Making people happy can feel great, especially when we care about them. We enjoy making them smile and can even feel similar emotions during these interactions. Social connections are an important part of the human experience; we thrive when we bond, which can have a huge impact on our mental health.

However, when we feel an uncontrollable need to make everyone happy all the time, this can indicate “people-pleaser syndrome,”* where an individual consistently puts others’ needs before their own. Although this might sound selfless and kind, it often leads to a destructive cycle of self-sacrifice and low self-esteem. Awareness of this pattern can help us take the necessary steps to stop these behaviours, allowing us to build the confidence to share our opinions and challenge conversations even when others don’t agree.

The Dangers of People-Pleasing

To break habits and create the changes needed to strengthen our confidence and self-worth, we must start to invest in ourselves again. Try prioritising self-care and meditation in your life. Don’t be overwhelmed; remember, it’s all about small, achievable goals. This is not a one-size-fits-all solution, and trial and error are necessary. Set your intention to be consistent, patient, and kind. That way, implementing more practical steps will follow more easily.

Steps to Overcome People-Pleasing

1. Prioritise Self-Care: Invest time in activities that rejuvenate you. This could be a hobby, exercise, or simply relaxing with a good book. Self-care helps reinforce the idea that your needs matter too.
2. Practice Saying No: It’s okay to decline requests that overwhelm you. Start with small refusals and gradually move to more significant ones.
3. Set Boundaries: Clearly define what you are comfortable with and communicate these boundaries to others. This helps in maintaining healthy relationships.
4. Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your tendencies. They can offer valuable advice and support.
5. Reflect and Adjust: After social interactions, reflect on how you felt. Did you agree to something you didn’t want to? Use these reflections to adjust your future behaviour.

My Experience

I spent my life trying to keep everyone happy and constantly putting my needs aside, hoping I wouldn’t upset anyone. I feared rejection and abandonment, which spilled over into my day-to-day interactions, leading to anxiety and withdrawal from my normal activities. I would spend hours replaying past interactions and dissecting every detail, hoping I could come to a place where I felt at ease about the whole thing. Unfortunately, this never happened because I wasn’t giving honest opinions or challenging others when I felt differently. I was doing myself a disservice, tearing down my confidence and self-worth.

Recognising Progress

Although being aware of your people-pleasing traits can be the first step to making a change, it doesn’t happen overnight. You may still find yourself in social environments where you revert to old habits, usually when you are feeling anxious or uncomfortable. When this happens, don’t be hard on yourself and always give grace. This process includes making mistakes and staying consistent. Take it step by step; only when you appreciate the small wins will you see the opportunities to create bigger ones.

Why It’s Important to Act

It may not seem necessary to act on these issues immediately, but continuing these behaviours can start to wear on you further down the line. As you are not showing up as your authentic self, this can make you seem disingenuous and cause you to feel resentful in your relationships with others. People will start to pick up on your people-pleasing tendencies and can grow frustrated by your lack of authority. Seeming weak and unsure of yourself can be a turn-off when connecting with others.

Impact of Upbringing

We all respond differently to the environment we experienced while growing up, especially when it is filled with trauma or feelings of low self-esteem. This can show up in our behaviours later in life, making it harder for us to leave our past in the past. We no longer have to be limited by our fears of rejection; we are who we are, and not everyone will like us, which is completely OKAY!

If I have learned anything in my 30 years of living, quality relationships over quantity are always best.

Believing in Yourself

It’s time to start believing in yourself, understand what makes you happy, and respect your needs. That way, you will begin to attract like-minded people who can elevate your life and continue to bring it value.

Overcoming people-pleasing is a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and consistency. By recognising and addressing these tendencies, you can start to build a more authentic and fulfilling life. Remember, it’s okay to prioritise your own needs and set boundaries. As you grow in confidence and self-worth, you’ll attract relationships that are supportive and nurturing.

*Signs of People-Pleasing

• Needing to make everyone happy all the time
• Feeling guilty or overthinking social interactions
• Difficulty saying no
• Needing others to like you
• Saying sorry even when not in the wrong
• Quick to agree – even if you don’t

Share Your Experiences

How have you dealt with people-pleasing tendencies, and what strategies have worked for you? Let’s continue to support each other on this journey! Share your experiences and insights in the comments below.